Folly # 1: Performance Appraisals

On Switch HR’s critique list of HR Things That Do Not Work, company-mandated performance appraisals reign supreme. Forced structured appraisals are numeral uno in traditional Performance Management Folly that invades the workplace from sea to shining sea.  As so introduced in my prior post, there is no correlation whatsoever between these feedback tools and sustained behavioral change for the better.  Moreover, job performance assessments have no impact at all on worker productivity, service quality and company profitability. None. If this were a new topic then perhaps the walk down dumb-dumb lane described below would be more insightful.  But truth be told, this is an old story….

The Workplace Story of Jane and Joe

Jane is a well regarded front line supervisor.  Joe Smith is one of several people who report to Jane.  Year after year Joe’s work is, well,  just okay.  After extensive training, Supervisor Jane gets access to a super slick, enterprise wide Mega Ultra Performance Rocket 5000 Integrated Talent Build System.  Jane laments, I guess this means we still have to do those stupid annual reviews? Well, sure you do Jane. But fear not.   This new system is best practice, super efficient  and Green friendly too. Paperless in fact.  Let’s see….

The New Performance Management System

Skeptical, but always a team player, Jane dutifully logs in to the new system.  She scrolls the employee-name directory in search for her direct reports. There they are in hyperlink blue.  So far, so good.  Now Jane clicks on Joe Smith’s name (misspelled, “Smit”). A clean, bright web-page with sharp font and crisp graphics appears. All the vital information–hire date, job title, last increase date, prior overall performance rating–are right there. Nice. At the top of the screen a new “URGENT: Task Notice” reminds Jane that Evaluation for Joseph Smit is now past due. Of course Jane already knows this from identical auto e-mail reminders that invade  her In-Box on a daily basis.  Constant electro-nagging of her supervisory neglect courtesy of HR. Joe’s name faithfully misspelled on each.  Hmm…

Undaunted,  Supervisor Jane clicks the second icon in the left side bar, directing to “Evaluate Now.” Up pops a snappy web form.  Neato.   Pretty extensive though and it takes Jane nearly 70 minutes to complete online.  Last year’s paper version took about the same.  It could have been worse had Jane not made full use of radio buttons that evoke canned language from the “Comments Generator.” This sweet feature auto-describes performance behaviors at various levels of proficiency. Jane can also drag and drop carefully crafted “action phrases” that keep things positive, consistent and legal. There’s a spell checker too. They think of everything.

Finished now, Jane clicks “Submit” and a cool PDF is created and published to the screen.  Nifty report, six pages in all. Pretty colors too. Comparative analysis, norm scores, pie charts, the whole nine.  The only thing that bothers is the custom header at the top of each page announcing “Performance Action Report for Joseph Smit“.  Jane can’t over-write it. She tried.  Hard-coded, she’s told, and only HR can mess with the master file.  Jane rolls her eyes, prints the report in triplicate and mumbles something under her breathe.  Hard to tell, but sounds like she said, ultra piece of Smit.

The New Performance Management Process

Jane forgot from training that there is no need to print out three copies. Green you know. Approvals are now auto-routed to the next level of management and HR for final review.  This ”Instant!” process takes about a week, during which Jane continues to receive daily e-late notices. Finally, a different “Action Approval”  e-mail advises that Jane’s original report has been tweaked by HR. The recommended increase amount for Joe has been reduced 1/2 a percentage.  A few of  Joe’s performance scores were downgraded too–for consistency Jane is told– and the department head already approved it.  A wonder of technology,  all this was done online without Jane’s input or knowledge.  After all, someone has to watch the store. Supervisors play favorites sometimes, HR people say, and front line managers  don’t see the big picture.  Annoying, ain’t it?   Ohhhhh wait, there’s more…

So now Jane is directed to log back in and print the final altered version in triplicate–one for Jane, one for Joe and one for the personnel file.  So much for saving trees.   Then, with legs cut out from under and a high-tech score card in hand that Jane doesn’t fully understand, the dreaded annual review meeting is scheduled.  As much as she would like, Jane can’t put it off any longer.  She has been chastised for weeks already for being tardy. Bad Jane. HR really hates it when reviews are late and, being employee advocates and all, they tell you .  Come on Jane, get with the program; employee morale and productivity are at stake here.  Joseph Smit deserves better, they say.

Irked now, It’s Joe Smith, Jane retorts.  His name is SMITH! HR replies in double-dumb: Really?  You sure Jane?  Our HRIS system says “Smit”.  You need to put in a change request. Jane clinches her teethe and feels as if her head will explode.  But she can’t loose it right now because  it’s time to meet with Joe what’s-his-name.  Here’s where it gets interesting…

The Dreaded Annual Ritual

Behind closed doors, the dreaded annual ritual begins.  Neither Joe nor Jane want to do this. They have too. Jane interacts with Joe eight hours per day,  every work day, all year.  They are not friends by any means, but generally get along fine. Not in this meeting.  Here they both feel like gladiators entering the arena evaluating their foe now from across the desk. Things could get bloody.  Stern-faced and arms crossed, Joe’s BS meter is on high alert. His agenda simple: Just tell me my raise and it better be good. Joe is ready.

Jane is less confident.  She hands Joe a copy of his Performance Rocket 5000 report–a real nice color version  made especially for him.  Joe attacks first.  Who the hell is Joseph Smit? It’s a typo, Jane snaps too quickly. Then she apologizes.  Not a good start for Jane.  Damn, now she is getting butterflies, maybe heartburn.  She muddles onward. Reading verbatim, Jane stammers out the carefully crafted, auto-generated case for giving Joe only a 2.5% raise this year compared to 3% last year.  Then she looks up sheepishly.  Any questions?

Joe stares back, head cocked in quizzical disgust as if he is evaluating a turd. This stinks!, he observes. Then he goes in for the kill.  A mediocre employee on his best day, Joe now musters sudden flashes of lawyer -like brilliance and turns the tables quickly on his adversary.  Armed with his own well documented appeal on the back of a napkin, Joe makes a far more eloquent case than Jane that the whole thing is a crock.  Jane knows in her heart that it’s a crock too, but she is not allowed to say it.  Thus the sword of truth  gives Joe a huge advantage and he’s wielding it’s mighty power now to slice the Ultra Mega Rocket report to ribbons.

Then it gets ugly. Jane tries to counter-punch with some truth of her own.  This takes her off script. She accuses Joe of being lazy, dishonest and having a bad attitude.  All true, but not in the Rocket report. Joe astutely points out that Jane has no right to attack his personal character without specific examples to back it up.  Jane suddenly realizes that Joe is whipping her now with the same psycho babble that they teach in supervisory skill training.  Jane wobbles on the defensive and tries to recover with rephrase, but Joe won’t have any of it. He accuses Jane of playing favorites and hating him personally for who he is.  Jane is on trial here, not he, and apparently she’s a man hating bigot.  Joe demands an apology and a five percent raise.  The legal rights defense kicks in for good measure.  Recounting what his neighbor read on LegalZoom.com, Joe threatens to march right now to the local Equal Employment Opportunity Office to file a complaint.

Flustered now, Jane thinks (but fortunately doesn’t say out loud), Joe, you are a stupid asshole and you suck at your job! Definitely not on the Rocket Report. Instead Jane screams at Joe to go sue the company for all she cares–not a great comeback, but certainly better than what she was thinking.  This evokes a nasty string of curse words as Joe bangs his fist on the desk, kicks the trash can and storms out.

That didn’t go well at all, did it? No it did not.

Panicked a bit about how close things came to assault and battery, Jane has the presence of mind to call HR to warn that crazed Joe is on the loose in the building and may be postal.  A few minutes later, a company wide announcement blasts across the PA system: Attention Joseph Smit; please report to Human Resources immediately. Instead of crying, Supervisor Jane goes suddenly giddy and starts laughing her ass off, somehow feeling that she beat her dreaded foe after all.

Of course, HR investigates the entire fiasco to discover, oh my, what  went so terribly wrong. The rush to judgment is predictable– Jane needs more training.  That’s the problem.  HR’s answer to everything– It’s the manager’s fault! Incredible, huh?

Epilogue to Old Story

And so ends our saga.  It’s an old story. There are thousands of Janes and millions of Joes in the workforce as we speak. Despite all we know and experience about performance appraisal madness, it stubbornly remains a mandated fixture at most companies.  We pray this age-old bad idea will somehow, someday, some way help the business succeed.  We still think we can fix it.  But we can’t.  Ask Jane at your company. She’ll tell you.

Money also conspires to keep the voodoo vision alive. Oh yes,  there’s big bucks in this shell game for software vendors and workplace consultant elites.   Appraisal mania thrives on the notion that high-tech, high-touch feedback schemes add value to business and enhance worker job satisfaction.  Even though it ain’t true.  Ask Joe at your company.   He’ll tell you.

Next I suggest a few solutions.  The easiest: Stop the insanity. Throw out performance appraisals. Kill them dead for all time. Ask Jane and ask Joe at your company.  They’ll tell you. It’s an old story.